


Flying Solo

by padsnuffles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, post 8x11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-29
Updated: 2013-01-29
Packaged: 2017-11-27 10:59:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/661214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padsnuffles/pseuds/padsnuffles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After 8x11 Dean changes his mind about something</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flying Solo

Dean told himself that he was happy. That it was good to be on the road with Sam, that they were having fun now that he had got Sam to relax at least some of the time.

It worked as long as they were busy with a case or hanging out in a bar, drowning beer after beer, flirting – well, only Dean was flirting but after enough beer he didn’t notice that fact so much anymore – and not thinking about tablets, absent angels or vampires who were probably sinking their teeth into someone’s neck.

When he wasn’t blissfully passed out from alcohol at night, however, he often began to feel sick as his mind wouldn’t let him rest, haunting him with unwanted images and thoughts even when he finally managed to fall asleep after all. Sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night and caught himself staring at the mobile phone on the night stand, close to reaching out and dialing but stopped every time when the sound of Sam shifting or sighing in the other bed reminded him why he was doing this and how much more Sam had given up for this; that neither of them could afford attachments; that it was better this way.

It wasn’t until a particularly bad nightmare featuring Cas and the hollow feeling after waking up – increasing when he prayed silently to him and there was, of course, no answer – that he actually reached out for the phone and did more than just stare at it. Silently he got up and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him carefully before he sat down on the closed toilet seat, his eyes fixed on the name on the display.

They had both given up so much and, yes, they couldn’t afford any attachments. His need to see Cas and to know that he was alright or at least know why he *wasn’t* alright made his stomach turn once again and he bit his lip as he caught himself pressing the dial button and held the phone to his ear almost in a daze.

The ringing went on for so long that Dean was close to hanging up with a sigh, partly convinced that the silence was a good thing and that this had been a mistake to begin with. No one answering was a sign and he should just try to focus on Sam, on their job, forget about –

“Dean?” came the answer in a hoarse voice, sounding as surprised as Dean himself was. For a moment his throat felt too tight for him to say anything and he had to swallow before he managed to bring out a reply.

“Yeah, it’s me”, he said finally in a whisper, his hand gripping his own knee without him noticing. “How… how are you holding on?”

There was a pause on the other end that made Dean feel a little sick, because it helped his imagination to run wild. The words that followed didn’t help to make him feel any better either. “Not well, brother”, Benny drawled.

“Have you…?” Dean asked, the sinking feeling in his stomach only increasing. He knew now that he shouldn’t have called. He didn’t want to know if Benny had started killing again, not when he himself might have to do something about it, couldn’t ignore it.

“No”, Benny answered quietly. “But… I’ve come close.”

Dean released the breath he had been holding and nodded even though he knew that the other couldn’t see the gesture. “Where are you?” he asked, resolve forming in his mind. He couldn’t help Cas, but he could help Benny.

 

***

 

Meeting up with Benny in a way that Sam wouldn’t notice was as hard as expected and took longer than Dean would have liked, especially considering what Benny had said during their one phone call. The rest of their – very short – conversations were limited to text messages which Dean carefully deleted as soon as he’d read them. All he could do was hope that the knowledge that they’d see each other soon would keep Benny’s resolve up; help him resist the everyday temptation. He had no idea how Benny could even afford the long journey across states, but he told himself not to think about this until he was there – he’d give Benny one of his fake credit cards, hoping this would help the vampire to get by financially somehow, since Dean doubted that Benny had taken up any new jobs – not when he was holding on to such a thin threat and couldn’t afford too much exposure to humans.

The day they were less than an hour’s drive from each other, Sam and Dean had just finished a job and had decided to lay low for a couple of days, Dean excused himself, claiming he needed some more pain killers for his hangover and pie which he didn’t trust Sam to get right. With his own head aching, Sam seemed to be more than happy to let Dean go, and Dean prayed that his brother wouldn’t grow suspicious when Dean took longer than necessary to get the few items. He’d already made a plan to tell Sam that he’d ended up in a diner or met a hot chick if Sam asked him later what had taken him so long. It wasn’t a particularly good plan but Dean hadn’t been able to come with anything better short of telling Sam the truth – and this was the one thing he knew would not happen.

When Benny opened the door to his cheap motel room he looked worse than Dean had pictured him. There were dark circles under his eyes and his shoulders were slumped, eyes blinking rapidly against the sunlight streaming in – and still there was a weak but happy smile forming on his lips when he saw Dean.

Seeing him like this made Dean feel awful for cutting strings with him in the first place and his own smile was more guilty than happy. “Hey”, he greeted quietly, walking into the room as soon as Benny had stepped aside to let him in.

All the curtains were drawn shut and Benny closed the door behind Dean immediately. “Thanks for coming, brother”, the vampire mumbled, staying where he was and only watching Dean closely.

Dean didn’t answer, because all the answers he could think of sounded hollow and fake in his ears. “You don’t have any blood left, do you?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

When he turned around to look at Benny, he saw him shake his head, a look of defeat in his eyes. “Finished the last one a week ago. Haven’t managed to get any new blood since then.”

“It’s hard for me to get away from…to get away”, Dean said, half embarrassed to say the reason why he couldn’t see Benny out loud, even though the vampire knew it already. “But I can get you fake I.D.s for the nearest hospital”, he offered.

Pressing his lips together the vampire nodded but then suddenly shook his head before he met Dean’s eyes. “I don’t think I can be in a hospital right now”, he said honestly, the look in his eyes making Dean’s stomach turn, his mind already racing to think of another excuse which would allow him to steal enough time for the trip to the hospital. Even as he looked down he could still feel Benny’s eyes on him and found himself imagining the disappointment in them. Then suddenly an idea hit him as he pictured one of the blood bags.

“Would one blood bag be enough?” he asked, his eyes still not meeting Benny’s because he couldn’t quite believe himself what he was about to offer. “Enough to help you get in and out of the hospital safely, I mean.”

The tone of Benny’s voice as he answered was sad. “I suppose so. But like I said I don’t have anything left. Not one drop.”

Dean took a deep breath, a voice in his mind – that sounded annoyingly like Sam – telling him that he was crazy and that what he was about to do was a mistake; a big, awful mistake. Yet the words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them. “Then take mine.”

Benny’s eyes widened as he stared at Dean. “Take yours?” he repeated, obviously not sure or not daring to hope that what he was hearing was true and that he wasn’t just imagining it.

Finally Dean looked up and met Benny’s eyes. “One bag is less than when… when people donate blood, right?” he said, surprised by how calm he sounded though his heart was racing. “Won’t do me any harm and if it’s enough so that it keeps you going…”, he said and then swallowed, half wishing he could take his words back. “Only if you’re sure you can… control yourself and know when to stop”, he added, doubt creeping into mind. He knew from his own experience that Benny could hear his rapid heartbeat and that made the way the vampire’s eyes darkened suddenly anything but comforting.

“Yes”, Benny said quietly, his voice sounding even rougher than usually.

“I’m not going to regret the offer, am I?” Dean asked, forcing himself not to step back as Benny took a step towards him, the vampire shaking his head, his eyes already glued to Dean’s neck.  “My neck is probably not a good place though”, Dean added nervously, already picturing himself with a large, gaping wound that no one would have trouble seeing from miles away.

As soon as he had uttered the words, Benny seemed to snap out of whatever trance the offer had put him in and straightened his back, shaking his head again. “No”, he agreed, looking thoughtful as though he was wondering where on Dean’s body his bite-marks wouldn’t draw too much attention. Dean was torn between the visibility of places and the intimacy which came with them. Every part of his skin that could be covered up more or less without drawing suspicion was a part of him he didn’t want to connect, even in thoughts, with sharp teeth and Benny’s mouth. Places he would have preferred – like his arm or wrist – were out of the question though.

“Maybe… my leg?” Dean suggested finally, extremely uncomfortable with the idea but at least certain that it was easy to bandage as well as easy to hide below jeans or even boxers. Lately, Dean had rarely taken off his jeans to sleep anyway.

Benny nodded again, his eyes on Dean’s as they stood in front of each other awkwardly, until Dean finally broke the tension by looking around for somewhere to sit. The chair looked anything but comfortable, but doing this on the bed was probably an even worse idea. It would only increase the intimacy.

Benny didn’t move until Dean had walked over to the chair and was already undoing his jeans, sliding it down and avoiding the vampire’s eyes while doing so. He sat down and pulled the right leg of his boxers up so that no blood would end up ruining the fabric. When he looked up again, Benny was still standing in the same spot and didn’t look like he was going to move at all, even though his eyes were fixed on the exposed skin.

The thought that this was a bad idea – a really bad idea – ran through Dean’s mind again when Benny finally started moving, closing the distance between them with only two long strides. His hands on Dean’s skin were warm and calloused, and the look he gave Dean made him hold his breath.

“You sure about this?” he mumbled, the drawl making it hard to understand his words.

Dean was close to shaking his head – of course he wasn’t sure about this. Right now he wanted to jump up and get out of the room as quickly as possible – and yet he found himself keeping still and giving a small affirmative nod.

“Thank you”, Benny said and the words were barely out when sharp teeth buried into Dean’s thigh, making him gasp and almost whimper as they sank into the sensitive skin. He half expected the vampire to stop at his reaction, but Benny’s grip tightened instead, his strong hands keeping Dean in place as he began to suck on the wound.

After a few seconds the piercing pain became more of an uncomfortable throbbing, but the thought that the warm lips against his skin were there because its owner was feeding on Dean, made him feel slightly dizzy anyway. He watched his own hands settle on Benny’s shoulders, half holding on to him and maybe gripping him more tightly than necessary. What if Benny had been wrong and wouldn’t be able to stop himself? Would Dean manage to recognize the moment when he had to force the vampire off him – before it was too late and he was too weak to do so?

Benny let out a low growl and his hands started stroking over Dean’s exposed skin, making him shiver and almost forget the pain when they crept far too close to certain regions for his comfort, even pushing the fabric further up once or twice.

An odd mixture of discomfort, beginning panic and – most alarmingly – arousal settled in Dean’s stomach and he swallowed hard before the tried to shake the vampire slightly to get his attention. “Benny?” he asked, worry clear in his voice.

This time the vampire did react and when he looked up at Dean – pupils dilated, lips covered in Dean’s own blood – Dean wished he hadn’t. The vampire’s tongue darted out to lick off the blood, but other than that Benny didn’t do anything but stare at Dean with a disconcertingly intense expression.

Dean had to swallow hard before he was able to form words. “How much more do you need?” he asked weakly.

Benny seemed to consider him for a moment, licking his lips once more even though there wasn’t any blood left on them now. “You want me to stop?”

“How much more do you need?”, Dean said, repeating his earlier question. Of course he wanted Benny to stop – but he didn’t want him to stop unless he had had enough blood and was able to get himself more without endangering anyone.

“Just a few more drops”, Benny replied in a hoarse whisper and leaned down again, sucking on Dean’s skin without waiting for another invitation. Dean drew in another sharp breath and tensed, but this time Benny’s hands stayed still on his skin, even though they had settled far too high up Dean’s thigh than was comfortable. Dean’s grip on Benny eased as well and his hands were just resting on Benny’s shoulders now, hoping the ‘few drops’ would be drunk soon.

The sucking motion grew slower and less intense and finally Benny drew back slightly, licking over the skin once more and freeing it from the rest of the blood before he turned to look at Dean again. Seeing his leg, blood still quelling out of the wound, Dean suddenly realized that he had forgotten to get the bandages before they had started this.

“The keys are in my jeans pocket … there’s a first aid set in the trunk”, he brought out, his voice surprisingly low and even a little shaky. Benny didn’t seem to notice or if he did he chose not to comment on it as he got up and took the keys, leaving the motel room with long sure strides.

As soon as the door was closed behind Benny, Dean let out sigh and ran a hand over his face before he allowed himself to look at his wound again. It was still bleeding, but not as heavily as he thought it would. Around the punctures, however, the skin was red and a bruise was already forming. If he didn’t manage to hide this properly, Sam would know the source immediately.

When Benny returned, the vampire seemed more relaxed, almost calm and the sight comforted Dean. He had been worried about the possibility of the vampire getting carried away and unable to control himself – the memory of the strong, almost irresistible urge to drink he had felt when he himself had been a vampire still clear in his mind.

Instead of drinking again or even licking off the fresh blood on Dean’s leg, Benny wiped it away – his movement careful and gentle, even as he applied the stinging disinfectant that made Dean wince. The vampire simply waited for a short moment before he continued caring for Dean’s wound, wrapping a small bandage around it when he was done.

“Thank you, brother”, he said quietly as he gave Dean’s leg a short pat before he stood up and put everything he had used either into the waste bin or back into the bag.

Dean stayed seated, feeling still a little dizzy either from the blood loss or – more likely – from the whole situation itself and the adrenaline that had rushed through him. So instead of getting up, he watched Benny clean up carefully until the vampire was done and handed him his jeans with a small smile.

Knowing that this was the moment to go and that he had probably already stayed too long, Dean slipped into the jeans, wincing only slightly when the denim pressed down on the bandaged wound. When he looked up and met Benny’s eyes, the vampire wore an almost sad expression. “This is it then, isn’t it?” he asked, his lips still forming a half smile.

For second Dean considered pretending that he didn’t know what Benny was talking about, but then he nodded, feeling suddenly hollow at the thought. “I’ll send you the I.D.’s and then you’ll have to find a way in”, he said. “Whenever you’re running low… let me know and I can get you new ones”, he added, letting Benny know that he wasn’t going to leave him hanging by a threat but also that there was no way they could or would meet again. Not if Dean wanted to keep Sam’s trust.

Benny nodded and took a deep breath, extending his hand to Dean. When Dean took it, the vampire’s grasp was a little too firm, but not hurting yet. “Thank you for everything then”, Benny said with a melancholy tone to his voice.

“Yeah, you too, Benny”, Dean replied quietly, the thought that this might be the last time they would be standing like this - looking into each other’s eyes, shaking hands - weighting heavy on his heart. The unwanted thought of Cas and the last time he had seen him slipped into his mind, reminding him that he just seemed to keep losing his friends or cutting ties with them on purpose. He had Sam, yes, but somehow his brother alone didn’t seem like enough lately, no matter what he told himself or what he told Sam. The realization made him feel almost guilty, as though was betraying Sam through it somehow.

“Dean”, Benny, who hadn’t let go of his hand yet, said and there was something strange to the way he said his name that Dean couldn’t quite place. Before he could react, he found himself in a tight embrace, the vampire’s warm body pressed against him in a heartfelt hug that was similar to the one they had shared right after leaving purgatory. Hesitantly he brought his arms up, too, and returned the gesture because he understood all too well what was going through Benny’s mind right now and how little he wanted him to walk out that door and not look back.

The hug went on longer than their first one had and yet Dean was almost disappointed when Benny started pulling back. Instead of simply letting go, however, Benny let his arms drift down so that they were still around Dean, but placed lower on his back, almost at his waist. The gesture was oddly intimate, fitting the strange intense look in Benny’s eyes. Unsure what to make of the situation and all too aware of the proximity of their faces, Dean gave the other a small smile.

“Dean”, Benny said again, and this time he didn’t pull Dean into a hug but brought one of his hands up to rest half on Dean’s shoulder and half on Dean’s neck. The way the fingers were brushing over his skin made Dean’s heart jump into his throat which was suddenly far too tight. He knew this look, knew this move – and it was not something he would have expected from the vampire. But instead of pulling away, instead of breaking the moment, Dean found himself frozen and staring back – unable to move even a millimeter under Benny’s gaze.

And then it happened. Something that Dean had seen coming and hadn’t stopped – and which still took his breath away and made him gasp at the same time. Benny leaned closer, his lips brushing against Dean’s lips first carefully and testing, and then more firmly when Dean didn’t shove him away. As the lips moved against his own and Dean felt the beard brush against his own stubble, he found himself reacting before he even realized what he was doing. He tightened his hold on Benny, pulling him closer as he returned the kiss that felt so different from every kiss he had ever shared and yet so good at the same time. Benny let out a sigh and his body relaxed as he gently took Dean’s lips between his own and then deepened the kiss, drawing another soft gasp from Dean when their tongues met.

The idea of breaking the kiss or pulling away never entered Dean’s mind, even as he felt Benny steering them both towards the bed. His heart was hammering in his chest and the reality of what was happening only came back crushing over him when his knees hit the edge of bed and he found himself sitting on the soft cover, with Benny’s arms lifting him up easily until Dean was lying flat on his back in the middle of the bed. He stared up at the vampire half hovering over him and was still wondering whether he should protest or stop this, when the weight of Benny settling on top of him forced any rational thought out of him and his body went back to reacting to the other’s touch without consulting his mind first.

Hands slipped under his shirt, pushing it up to roam over his skin while Dean was mimicking the gesture, his fingers finding a hard muscled chest instead of soft breasts. He knew that this alone should freak him out and the hard groin pushing into his own should send him running, but instead all it did was draw a moan from him and his hips pushed up almost automatically, searching out the feeling of another man’s hard cock against his own, even if there were several layers of clothes still between them.

“Dean”, Benny repeated and this time it was more a groan than anything else. He pulled both their shirts over their heads and threw them somewhere carelessly. They had probably landed on the dirty floor, but there was no way Dean could find it in himself to mind when Benny’s fingers were quickly working his jeans open and then pushed the denim down – despite the earlier haste carefully slowing the movement when he reached the bandage.

When Benny had freed himself of his pants as well and not much more than the thin fabric of their underwear separated them, the fact that this was a cock rubbing against his own entered his conscious thought again and in a moment of panic he wondered whether Benny would want to fuck him and how that would work. It wasn’t like Dean had never watched gay porn out of curiosity – carefully locking the door and deleting all the internet history of Sammy’s laptop of course – but porn was still a far stretch from reality.

Benny didn’t seem to notice that anything was wrong and as soon as his hand had slipped into Dean’s shorts, pulling them down, his strong fingers wrapping around Dean’s cock, thumb circling the head, Dean had pushed the earlier thought away as well, his hips bucking up into Benny’s hand. The vampire chuckled lightly and then leaned down to kiss Dean again, his hand not slowing its movement. Then suddenly Benny’s hand was gone and Dean let out a disappointed sound which was then quickly drowned by another moan as he felt Benny’s cock pressed against his own, Benny’s hand wrapped around them both and the vampire started pumping them in a steady rhythm while his tongue explored Dean’s mouth.

If Dean hadn’t been so lost in what was happening, he might have been embarrassed by how fast he reached the edge and spilled himself over Benny’s stomach and hand, his body shuddering with the rush of the orgasm and his moans quickly turning into whimpers, when Benny continued pumping them mercilessly until the vampire came as well - whole body tensing and then sinking down half on top of Dean. Benny was breathing as heavily as Dean was and the weight of the vampire was strange and comforting at the same time. His mind still cloudy and his limbs pleasantly heavy and relaxed, Dean refused to think about what had just happened or that he should have already been on his way back to Sam while Benny’s arm settled over his chest and the vampire pressed his lips to Dean’s sweaty shoulder.

The vampire’s weight shifted as he lifted himself up onto his side and then leaned over Dean to kiss him again – the kiss now as gentle and slow as it had been at the beginning. Dean brought his hand up to Benny’s cheek almost automatically, feeling the beard under his palm and fingers and a rush of lust shot through him again as he thought of what it had felt like to feel Benny hard against himself.

When Benny finally broke the kiss it was to look down at Dean with an almost soft, thoughtful expression. “I’ve wanted to do this for a while”, he said, the gentle tone of his voice and the way his fingers brushed over Dean’s skin gently making Dean’s throat feel too tight once more.

“Benny”, he said a little helplessly, not even sure himself what he actually wanted to say.

The vampire’s expression changed almost immediately, the sadness more than obvious in his eyes. “I know”, he said quietly and gave Dean a sad smile before he rolled off him, staying on his back for a moment. When Dean sat up a little to look at him, the vampire was simply staring at the ceiling, avoiding Dean’s gaze. “I’m sorry”, he mumbled, and Dean was about to protest that there wasn’t anything to be sorry about when Benny continued, still not looking at Dean. “I just… I’m not doing the whole solo thing well, you know”, he said, his voice sounding defeated. “I’m sorry if I crossed a line. After tonight I’ll be out of your life, I swear.”

The words felt like a punch to his stomach even though they had agreed on going separate ways. Yet the way Benny said the words - and after what had just happened -  they hurt and made Dean not only feel guilty as hell, but also aware that this wasn’t what he wanted. He had already taken a huge step by calling Benny – telling himself that it was to help him, to do something for one friend when he couldn’t help the other. Now the thought of leaving again and cutting ties - maybe for good this time - made his stomach turn. He wasn’t even flying solo like Benny – he had Sam. When had Sam stopped being enough?

With a sigh he shook his head. “No”, he said softly, seeing the surprise in Benny’s eyes when the vampire looked at him again. Lacking further words to say what he wanted to say, Dean leaned over and captured Benny’s lips, kissing him slowly. Benny let out a small sound and his hand found Dean’s hair, tightening in it for a moment as though he was trying to hold on to him.

When the vampire pulled away his expression showed clearly that he wasn’t sure anymore what was happening and what Dean was going to do. As soon as Dean got up from the bed and walked over to where his jeans had landed, Benny sank down on the bed again, covering his face with a heavy arm. Instead of getting dressed, however, Dean grabbed his phone and after a glance to the time confirmed that he had already been gone for too long to use more than one believable excuse, he settled back on the bed next to Benny who looked over at him with surprise and a hint of hope in his expression as he watched Dean type. The vampire frowned when Dean held the phone out to him, showing him the message he had just written – the phone vibrating in his hand as Sam’s answer arrived just a heartbeat later.

 

_Dean: met cute chick in bar. gonna score._

_Sam: Have fun. See you tomorrow._

Benny raised his eyebrows slightly, obviously not understanding at first what those messages meant until Dean placed the phone back on the night stand and pulled Benny into another kiss.

“I’m the cute chick?” Benny asked with amusement in his voice and a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth when Dean shrugged and gave him a lopsided smirk. When Dean leaned down for another kiss, Benny wrapped his arms around him once more and pulled Dean on top of him without breaking the kiss. As he felt Benny’s solid frame below him and they settled into slow, deep kisses, their hands exploring each other’s bodies with less haste than before, Dean forced himself to push back any thoughts of consequences or the future, his only focus on the here and now and the man whose body he was pressed against.


End file.
